Santa Cruz Means Holy Cross and I Saw Demetrius Jones Make a Tackle, Too

To answer the question that has left everyone perched on the edges of their respective seats since last Thursday: Bailey. Hands down, Bailey.

Thank you, Nicolle, for sharing the discovery of what is possibly the most unusual and almost certainly the most repugnant mascot for any school in America, the University of California at Santa Cruz Banana Slug, or when an entire team is referenced, the University of California at Santa Cruz Banana Slugs. The tale of the slug, or more appropriately The Slug, is linked for you all (click) here. I confess, I was on the very precipice of stunned when I followed the link you (Nicolle) provided. The gauntlet has been cast, friends. We can award points for unusual, and points for "ugh" (like that little green fella), but UC Santa Cruz will be hard to top in the one-of-a-kind mascot competition. There are some strong candidates; check with J. Carlson in my office for his personal compilation of weird and politically incorrect high school mascots.

Weekend wagering update: "nice".

* Cal Bears -14 @ Minnesota: PUSH !
The final here was Cal 35, Minnesota 21, so we have that most unsatisfying of experiences, the push...no blood... like kissing one's sister. Not my sister, as I have not seen her in a couple of decades. Our fate could have been a lot worse, as the Bears pushed across the final TD with just 3:35 to play. Same kid scored all 5 Cal TD's, btw. While we get nothing either way, if you missed this one on TV, you missed a golden whale of a game. Minnesota (should they not consider naming themselves The Big Blue Oxen in honor of the great folklore hero Paul Bunyan, and outfitting themselves in appropriate colors?) is a much better team than I have previously credited them. Without the squashtone pants the Golden Gophers (giggle!) are also much less visually intrusive. Their stadium, Big Blue Ox Bank Field, is even better looking in the sunshine than it was in the prime time debut last week, though the sellout streak ended abruptly at one consecutive sellout, evidenced by the empty sections in the upper deck corners. One must wonder whether the local support will be as staunch as hoped when the summer temps end and the frozen tundra returns, said occurrence being expected momentarily. The Bears of California gave evidence that they are a very, very hard hitting group, and they demonstrated a propensity to play at the very edge of legality. The hit that the Minnesota receiver took as he scored his team's first TD was simply vicious, head to head, leaving the receiver writhing on the turf with a trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth. It wasn't the only edgy hit of the day, and I was incensed by the drivel that the TV crew spewed in describing the brutality, e.g. "he thinks he's in the Metrodome, heh-heh" as the kid from MN lay bloodied, his condition not yet known. The TV boys crowed further idiocy, the specifics of which I have conveniently forgotten, in lampooning another MN player who wobbled in evidence of compromised motor skills after getting clobbered high on a kick return,. One apparently does not need to furnish much in the way of IQ to secure a gig in the TV booth. Along with the baseball Twins, the TV boys furnished another reason to dislike Minnesota, much like Ashton Kutcher refuels our disdain every time one of his sophomoric actions is chronicled in the news, though Kutcher does have Demi Moore to console him in the event that he finds our lack of affection discomforting.

**
Iowa State -3 @ Kent State : WINNER
The Cyclones did just what they were supposed to do. Final score Iowa State 34, Kent State 14. Two stars for us, 'nuff said.

***
Buffalo Bulls @ Central Florida -4 :WINNER
Confession: never saw one second of this, just checked the late Saturday scores and smiled: UCF 23, Buffalo 17. A little close, but no problem. Three stars for us.

****
Cincinnatti +1 1/2 @ Oregon State : WINNER
It wasn't exactly a nail-biter, but it wasn't a slam dunk, either. There was a moment in the first half in which the Beavers stuffed an ill advised Cinci off tackle left attempt 2 yards deep in their own end zone for a safety, I started getting a little bit anxious. Cincinnatti is very talented, very athletic, prone to undisciplined behavior and, in the end, good enough to put a 28-18 "W" on the board, and four stars for my favorite team.

A good week at +9, but my enthusiasm is tempered a bit by the shot-themselves-in-the-foot performance by Northwestern against Syracuse. They dug themselves a hole, climbed out, and at the end spit the bit to avoid impending victory. The QB's of NU and Michigan State likely had a "lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut" Saturday night. If you are racking your brain to source that pearl of wisdom but can't quite determine from whence it came, that quote was originally uttered by the renowned American thinker, Jed Clampett.

Somedays chicken, somedays feathers. That was the utterance of The Terrapin Tangler. I shall save the recounting of the legend of The Terrapin Tangler for another day. Let it suffice to say that none know it better than I, for I was there...

Off topic: linguistic crank du jour. Today's word is "oriented" and its derivatives. To familiarize is to undergo orientation. To become confused is to become disoriented. One cannot be "disorientated", as that would be to time warp backward and unlearn whatever one learned when one underwent orientation.

There. I feel better. Soon, we shall review conjugation of the verb "to see". No one shall escape unscathed should they utter the phrase "I seen it". No, you didn't seen it.

Aaaaack...I just heard someone say "you should stipulize that". Remember (click) Norm Crosby?