Two Gun is betting
on the emergence of
a heretofore unknown
gridiron talent.
Coming Thursday: a pair of Pete's Perfect Picks. Our research department (aka Two Gun Pete) has been working overtime and he has formulated not one, but two PPP's : Pete's Perfect Picks. Gotta love the symmetry. Two Gun, two PPP's.
The selections are the result of Two Gun's unique blend of Football Dead Sea Scrolls wisdom and a cynical insight into the minds of wild-eyed young athletes. No pre-sale, but a hint : 'Cats = good dogs, and running with the Bulls.
We'll also mea culpa with a 180 on one of last week's disappointments.
12:54 p.m.
We won at Ameristar and Majestic this morning. That's looking realllly good, 'cause the first half of the early games is looking grim. Ohio State is up by a precious few, and we are giving 18. Terrell Pryor got hurt in the first half, and OSU looks lethargic. While there's no wager involved on the 'Cats, I've been watching Northwestern @ Minnesota, and NU looks like crap, with penalties and bad tackling and blown coverages. I went to CBSC and got another jolt: the Army is up 21-13 over Temple at halftime. The next 90 minutes need to bring some happiness. 1:11 p.m.
Temple is now trailing 28-13. Past is prologue, indeed. Terrell Pryor has returned to the game in Champaign, but the game has not returned for Ohio State. Still a 4 point lead. Northwestern scored on its opening possession of the second half and promptly missed the PAT. Illinois just picked up a face mask penalty, and in the great tradition of dopey Illini players under RZook, the kid who committed the infraction is dancing and gyrating in celebration, oblivious to the referee's flag fluttering to the ground behind him. Even when they're playing well, the Illini are hard to like. Pryor just completed a 15 yard pass, too. Go, Bucks!
Ah-ha!!! Army 28, Temple 21! OSU is going for a 4th and 1...close...close...measure...1st down! Go, Bucks!
1:30 p.m.
Field goal for Ohio State. 17-10. This ain't gonna get it done. Temple is showing a little more, still same score though. Long pass......out of bounds, damn. Another pass, incomplete. Now it's 3rd and...20??? Temple goes offside, now it will be 3rd and 25. Third down, long pass, Army pass interference, first down for Temple. Back on BTN, field goal, Illinois, now it's 17-13 with four and a half to go. Bad.
1:46 p.m.
Northwestern scored on ESPN, while back on BTN, Ohio State is grinding away on the ground with a four point lead and 2 1/2 minutes to go. We're screwed. Over on CBSC, Temple has tied the Knights at 28, and it's very early in the 4th quarter. Back to BTN, OSU has now scored to make it 24-13, though the announcer insists that it's a ten point lead. Dope. 1:54 to go. A defensive TD is our only hope.
1:58 p.m.
It's over. Ohio State 24, Illinois 13. 2 star loser, damn.
2:24 p.m.
The 'Cats squeaked it out, 29-28. Whew! Over at West Point, Temple banged its way to a 42-28 lead, but Army has scored to close to 7 with less than 2 minutes to play. Temple covers the onside kick. No big mistakes, puh-leez, we need a W. Running play-timeout-running play-a pitch out, what the hell are you doing!! It's ok, he's down safely, :17 to go after the time out--kneel down would you??? NO, goddamn it the QB rolls out and FINALLY, IT'S OVER, and we book a 1 star victory.
6:04 p.m.
There was no TV for Ball State @ Central Michigan. I've been checking scores on the computer. I feel like the guy who told the helmsman of the Titanic "it's just a little ice, we'll be fine". Ball State 31, CMU 17. Disaster. 4 star crap-a-roo. Only Iowa is left. I plan to watch the Andy Griffith Marathon instead. I can't take any more failure.
8:48 p.m.
Halftime in Iowa, and the Hawks are up 17-3. I would like to be giddily optimistic, but these are the times that try bettors' souls. It's not Shakespeare, but the quote is apropos: It ain't over 'till it's over. Joe Paterno is looking spry. He and Howard Schnellenberger are going to get together after the season at the Cracker Barrel and try to remember where they parked. Very cool visual from programmed behavior in the Iowa stadium: whole sections of people are dressed in black, with adjoining sections dressed in gold. Elsewhere, USB is leading Boston College, ugh. Stanford is leading the Ducks, as Two Gun predicted.
9:02 p.m.
The Iowa defense just held off PSU on 4th and goal from the 1, video replay confirmed, and Joe Paterno looks dejected. Not that he ever looks giddily optimistic. The best commercial of the day just played for the umpteenth time and I laughed again. It's the Allstate "Mayhem" guy sitting on the roof : "I'm a satellite dish." Hilarious. Not to Joe, though.
10:04 p.m.
Iowa returns a late INT for 6 and we cruise to victory, and a much needed victory at that. The Ducks are beating up Stanford, but no more for me today.
Our sympathies go out to Zak and Sarah Kustok on the tragic loss of their mother. We hope there is some measure of comfort in knowing that many, many people would share the burden that has been put upon them.
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Two Gun is moribund, abandoning his customary sanguine outlook and reciting fatalistic quotes from Shakespeare as he rattles around Stately Two Gun Manor, attempting to apply medieval literary logic to the capricious world of modern capitalism. My outlook is rather more linear.
We're gonna get even.
Week 4 was a -10. That never happened before. It can never happen again. It was a disaster, and we must get even, as one gets even on a grudge.
Notice how emphatically the V eradicates the 0.
There are people with whom I attended the second
grade at St.Hedwig School who are blissfully unaware
that I will one day swoop down upon them to settle
scores from years past. V for "five", or V for VENDETTA???
I know grudges.
I was raised by a tribe that is among the most advanced in recorded history at silently declaring and ceaselessly holding grudges. The grudge is our meat. If grudges were currency, we would have been immeasurably wealthy. We defined new standards for the grudge. Holding a grudge was as certain as the coming dawn, as natural to us as breathing.
Even so, there is another facet to this challenge. How does one respond to a week of abject failure, when the only one responsible for said failure is oneself? How do you, in effect, get even with yourself?
Hire somebody who is angrier than you.
To help my partner cope, I have added some words of guidance from the Bard.
Ball State -15 1/2 @ Central Michigan **** Saturday 2:30 p.m. TV TBA
Central Michigan arrived in Evanston last week to face Northwestern hearing sustained and prolonged rhetoric wherein every speaker gave them proper respect, didn't take them lightly, lauded their skill level, recognized their accomplishements, all damning through faint praise. Everyone very politely dismissed them prior to the contest as unable to win. Then they went out and lost. They're a very good team, and they're back at home, angry and being visited by Ball State, losers to Liberty (?), Purdue and last week 45-0 to Iowa. So why wouldn't Ball State be the one seeking retribution? Their report card says "meets expectations". They're toast.
I like not fair terms and a villain's mind. --William Shakespeare
Penn State @ Iowa -7 *** Saturday 7:05 p.m. ESPN
The Hawkeyes are driven. Their drubbing last week of Ball State did not assuage the collective burning in the souls of the Hawkeye faithful caused by a loss to Arizona. The Hawks aspire to greatness. They have suffered the loss of their lead running back and his backup. Their aspirations have been torn apart and thrown in their faces. The only way to salve this wound is apply bone crushing defeats to a succession of opponents, the next of which is the visitors from Happy Valley and their aged and revered leader.
How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees? --William Shakespeare
Ohio State -18 @ Illinois ** Saturday 11 a.m. BTN
The Buckeyes of Ohio State are highly talented and highly regarded across the land. Mr. Tressel, their uniquely clad mentor, surely will remind his charges of the year 2007 when the Fighting Illini came to Columbus and embarassed that highly regarded OSU team. The Illini headmaster, Mr. Zook, will likely also be reminding his team that their predecessors accomplished this feat, to steel them for this contemporary crusade. The referee will flip a coin, the two sides will form their respective battle lines, and the visitors will commence to ravage the countryside, then mount their steeds (ok, their team bus) and return, unsullied, to their province to the east.
I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad and to travel for it too! --William Shakespeare
Temple -4 @ Army * Saturday 11 a.m. CBSC-HD
Army is enjoying a good year. The Black Knights opened with a road win over E.Michigan, lost to Hawaii by 3 at home, shut out North Texas in Week 3 and then disposed of Duke 35-21 this past week. Nice. Then there's Temple. Temple was cruising along at 3-0 and they were looking to use Penn State last week to demand that the world give them appropriate respect. Instead, they were reprimanded as upstarts. They're p.o.'d., and that will drive them to a cover win @ West Point.
