The news of the tragedy that occurred on the campus of the University of Notre Dame has spread across the globe. The only thing faster than the dissemination of the terrible event was the ignition of the damage control program.
I found the news on the web a couple of hours after the accident. When I went to the university's website, the mass of remembrance had already been set. On the nightly news, the university president spoke in soothing tone of how the boy would be missed. This morning, the university's athletic director is quoted describing how there was nothing irregular about conditions just minutes prior to the accident.
As the father of a boy who is making plans to head off to college, my own response was iterative. I was shocked, and saddened for the child's family. Suspecting what would follow, I began to feel anger and resentment at what I expected...and like clockwork, it began to happen.
The mass of remembrance registered with me as the first cop out: we're heading for church, see how upset we are.
The he will be missed speech is a boatload of bureaucratic bullshit. I told my wife just what the words would be, and "ta-daa", there they were.
The child's initials will be worn on the players' helmets. Again, I told my wife this was a sure thing, a public display to dull the sharp inquisition. It is not my place, and hopefully never will be, but the last thing I would agree to is to allow my child's wasted life to be memorialized, trivialized, by the business that chose to ignore his safety.
When I heard the inevitable he loved Notre Dame, I wanted to scream. Don't love this place. Don't pledge your allegiance. Don't let the responsible people (whomever they may be, whenever they are forced to step forward) wriggle away in a torrent of misplaced emotion. Don't be fooled.
They didn't care about this child. They don't care now. They want to minimize the cost, and they immediately began to move on.
Kickoff is at 2:30 on NBC.
As usual.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Pam Ward has Moved Up to Worse
On Tuesday evening, I was delighted to discover that the wasteland of Tuesday night television would be enlivened by big time football, Louisiana Tech @ Boise State. After checking to assure that the blue color cartridge was full on the junior big screen (the big big screen is in the basement, and "Little Big Screen" sounds wrong, like a Native American television, though that reminds me of one of my favorite jokes, the one about how Native Americans name their newborns), I parked my carcass, eagerly anticipating a night of bonus entertainment.
Then she showed up.
This is a conundrum.
It is also yet another display of disrespect for Boise State, the Rodney of big time football programs, that ESPN couldn't (wouldn't?) scrape up anyone better (which would be anyone --other than Pam Ward) to do this game.
Purdue @ Illinois -15 1/2 ****
Saturday 11:00 a.m. ESPN2
Illini are rolling, Purdue is rolling over. The Illini just kicked the crap out of Indiana, 43-13, and they have been playing better as the season has progressed. Illinois has lots of talent, it's always a question of discipline with them. Purdue has had a rough ride this season, with the exception of their visit to Evanston, when the Northwestern Wildcats gave them a "W" as a lovely parting gift. The Illini do not have the charitable streak that NU has shown, so the Boilermakers are screwed. It's dangerous to wager big on Illinois with a big point spread, and we're just the guys to throw caution to the winds.
NIU -9 1/2 @ Western Michigan ***
Saturday 11:00 a.m. ESPN-GP, pretty much ="no TV"
With the reign of the bewildered despot Pat Quinn about to come to an end in the Land of Lincoln (we suggest changing our license plate motto to "Land of Indictments"), our statewide confidence (at least in its football teams) is rising, so we're throwing down on the state's hottest team, the Huskies of Northern Illinois. Jerry's Kids have been rolling, five wins in a row. Last week they whipped Central Michigan 33-7, and this week they will confront a Western Michigan squad that just administered an arse whipping to the University of Akron. The Huskies ain't the Zips. Isn't that profound?
Northwestern -3 @ Indiana **
Saturday 11:00 a.m. BTN
Northwestern is going to put up 35 to 40 points, and they should hold Indiana to 10 to 13. It's that simple. You just read what NU and Indiana have been doing--oh yeah, don't forget, NU gave away another one last week, to Michigan State--so there's no need to rehash all this. We're all Illinois for the first three wagers this week: making a three team Illinois parlay, to boot. Note to NU : you are not required to bring a "W" to Bloomington as a gift to your hosts. This is life in the ObamaRama, Mama: expect to be given everything.
Miami Ohio -2 1/2 @ Buffalo *
Saturday 2:30 p.m. No TV of any kind that I can find
Miami comes in 4-4, still smarting from a 34-14 pasting at the hands of the Ohio Bobcats last week. Buffalo, 2-5, held Temple to just 42 points last week while themselves abstaining from infringing upon the end zone. We shalll wait excitedly next to the wireless in the parlor for news of this one to come in, as there appears to be no television broadcast of any kind for this contest. Buffalo will be buried under many feet of snow soon, so they may have already evacuated all the television crews.
There are many great match ups this weekend. Plan ahead, get your chores done early, and take it all in. If you're restless and you live in this part of the world, Four Winds is giving away two Ford pickup trucks on Saturday, and somebody's gotta win. Sunday is Halloween, so remember that those Tootsie Rolls and Reese's in the pantry are not for you, and you should not give the Trick or Treaters cigarettes or left over Valium.
Then she showed up.
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| The pride of Whatsamotta U. |
"She" is Beth Mowins. Beth Mowins is a play-by-play announcer for ESPN, a woman who has previously announced mostly women's sports. She sounds like a slightly more butch version of Pam Ward, a little bit like Reba McIntyre without the drawl. I can't stand Reba McIntyre, either, but at least she is good enough to not show up on my TV during football games. A couple of times when Beth Mowins got excited she sounded like Rocky the Flying Squirrel, and I will not forgive that, as I have always been partial to Rocket J. Squirrel.
I thought that Pam Ward was in a class by herself until Beth Mowins showed up; now I have two announcers whom I despise. When I thought Pam Ward was the only one of her kind, it was appropriate to declare her "worst", because it was a gender unspecified superlative distinction. Now that there are two loathsome announcers, Pam Ward must be "worse", one of two, which is a linguistic promotion, from "worst" to "worse", but a ranking demotion, as the introduction of another person above makes her, by definition, one rank further down.This is a conundrum.
It is also yet another display of disrespect for Boise State, the Rodney of big time football programs, that ESPN couldn't (wouldn't?) scrape up anyone better (which would be anyone --other than Pam Ward) to do this game.
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Quiz! This is a photo of: A. Purdue's Conundrum B. Purdue's World Largest Drum C. Purdue running "Big Drum over right tackle" D. Pledges from Delta house stealing band equipment |
Saturday 11:00 a.m. ESPN2
Illini are rolling, Purdue is rolling over. The Illini just kicked the crap out of Indiana, 43-13, and they have been playing better as the season has progressed. Illinois has lots of talent, it's always a question of discipline with them. Purdue has had a rough ride this season, with the exception of their visit to Evanston, when the Northwestern Wildcats gave them a "W" as a lovely parting gift. The Illini do not have the charitable streak that NU has shown, so the Boilermakers are screwed. It's dangerous to wager big on Illinois with a big point spread, and we're just the guys to throw caution to the winds.
NIU -9 1/2 @ Western Michigan ***
Saturday 11:00 a.m. ESPN-GP, pretty much ="no TV"
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| Alternate motto. Next week we'll have the new theme song for Chicago: "O Come O Come Emanuel" |
Northwestern -3 @ Indiana **
Saturday 11:00 a.m. BTN
Northwestern is going to put up 35 to 40 points, and they should hold Indiana to 10 to 13. It's that simple. You just read what NU and Indiana have been doing--oh yeah, don't forget, NU gave away another one last week, to Michigan State--so there's no need to rehash all this. We're all Illinois for the first three wagers this week: making a three team Illinois parlay, to boot. Note to NU : you are not required to bring a "W" to Bloomington as a gift to your hosts. This is life in the ObamaRama, Mama: expect to be given everything.
Miami Ohio -2 1/2 @ Buffalo *
Saturday 2:30 p.m. No TV of any kind that I can find
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| Mother and I enjoy a spirited afternoon of football on the Philco. Four more payments and it's all ours! |
There are many great match ups this weekend. Plan ahead, get your chores done early, and take it all in. If you're restless and you live in this part of the world, Four Winds is giving away two Ford pickup trucks on Saturday, and somebody's gotta win. Sunday is Halloween, so remember that those Tootsie Rolls and Reese's in the pantry are not for you, and you should not give the Trick or Treaters cigarettes or left over Valium.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Hermes Was Smiling This Weekend
A net plus weekend for us...finally.
Friday
Oferchrissakes...Friday night, what a fright! The old USF Bulls showed up in Cincinatti, and since old Cincinatti graduated last year, not only did the Bearcats fail tocover but they got whupped straight up. Man, these guys from USF are positively schizophrenic. 2 Star LOSER.
Saturday
The Huskies of NIU did just what we thought they'd do: 33-7 over Central Michigan. 4 Star WINNER!
Yar, maties! The Pirates of East Carolina deconstructed Marshall, 37-10, a comfortable cover (-12 1/2) and a 3 Star WINNER!
Tennessee was no match for Alabama. Nick Saban put the #2 QB in the game early in Q4, and the lad proceeded to take the team in for one more score and blow our under. 1Star LOSER.
Off the site, Two Gun and I defied the gods of wagering and bet the University of South Bend in the front end of a parlay. The Naval Academy beat them senseless, 35-17, reminding us that it is senseless to defy the gods.
Great game: Wisconsin 31, Iowa 30. Two really good teams and a really good game.
The Sooners became the third consecutive #1 team to step off the ledge as they fell to Missouri. The Ducks sit alone at the pinnacle now. For this week, anyway.
Beware of Auburn!
Friday
Oferchrissakes...Friday night, what a fright! The old USF Bulls showed up in Cincinatti, and since old Cincinatti graduated last year, not only did the Bearcats fail tocover but they got whupped straight up. Man, these guys from USF are positively schizophrenic. 2 Star LOSER.
Saturday
The Huskies of NIU did just what we thought they'd do: 33-7 over Central Michigan. 4 Star WINNER!
Yar, maties! The Pirates of East Carolina deconstructed Marshall, 37-10, a comfortable cover (-12 1/2) and a 3 Star WINNER!
Tennessee was no match for Alabama. Nick Saban put the #2 QB in the game early in Q4, and the lad proceeded to take the team in for one more score and blow our under. 1Star LOSER.
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| Hermes was a busy guy. He was god of flocks, road, eloquence, trading, thieves, commerce, mercantiles, gambling, profit, hazard, gaming, athletes and is given credit for inventing boxing and racing. I think he would also make a pretty damn good horn ornament for my Stutz Bearcat, if I had one. |
I planned my Saturday around the Michigan State @ Northwestern game, and that had a really sucky conclusion, as the 'Cats outplayed the #7 Spartans for most of the game, only to have two plays make all the difference in the world. In the first half, NU fumbled at the goal line to spit back 7 points. In the second half, NU went for a fake MSU punt, hook line and sinker. Next play, TD MSU. Then a makes no diff TD at the end killed the cover.
Great game: Wisconsin 31, Iowa 30. Two really good teams and a really good game.
The Sooners became the third consecutive #1 team to step off the ledge as they fell to Missouri. The Ducks sit alone at the pinnacle now. For this week, anyway.
Beware of Auburn!
Friday, October 22, 2010
Eight is Enough
Today, we salute Tom Bosley, recently departed but living on in reruns. Everybody remembers him as Howard Cunningham, the dad on Happy Days. In my clouded mind, I remember him as Dick Van Patten, the dad in Eight is Enough. I think I remember him as someone else because they had more fun kids and better looking women on Eight is Enough, including one on whom I had a huge crush. Crushes like that can be remedially cured by Googling the crushee and seeing what they look like now. So, bon voyage Tom aka Mr. C., and Dick Van Patten you be glad you're not him.
Here's the picks for week 8.
Central Michigan @ Northern Illinois -9 1/2 ****
The Huskies have played well and seem to be improving weekly. Central Michigan is not exciting. I'm going with the hot hand here.
East Carolina -12 1/2 @ Marshall ***
The old saying goes : as the days grow shorter, bet on the Pirates. It's not very lyrical, and it's not very old, 'cause we just made it up. But ECU has a history of getting stronger as the season progresses, and this season should show the same. Marshall is a sentimental favorite always, because of the tragedy they endured. That would be the tragedy of having Matthew McConaughey portray the coach who rebuilt the devastated program after the terrible airplane crash.
South Florida @ Cincinatti -7 1/2 **
The Bulls have been a big floparoo in my book. Cincinatti isn't what they were a year ago, but I don't think that they need to be in order smack around USF. I'm looking for Collaros, the Bearcat QB, to have a big day.
Alabama @ Tennessee UNDER 48 *
I've spent a lot of time (and not a little money) trying to figure out Alabama. The third time is the charm. Their defense is very good, their offense not exactly explosive so far. If the trends for both squads hold true this week, we'll be find with the UNDER.
Here's the picks for week 8.
Central Michigan @ Northern Illinois -9 1/2 ****
The Huskies have played well and seem to be improving weekly. Central Michigan is not exciting. I'm going with the hot hand here.
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| Doesn't this look like a real family holiday photo? BAH! The object of my crush was...hold on, there were a couple of them who were pretty hot. I'll get back to you, I gotta go check Google before I confess. |
The old saying goes : as the days grow shorter, bet on the Pirates. It's not very lyrical, and it's not very old, 'cause we just made it up. But ECU has a history of getting stronger as the season progresses, and this season should show the same. Marshall is a sentimental favorite always, because of the tragedy they endured. That would be the tragedy of having Matthew McConaughey portray the coach who rebuilt the devastated program after the terrible airplane crash.
South Florida @ Cincinatti -7 1/2 **
The Bulls have been a big floparoo in my book. Cincinatti isn't what they were a year ago, but I don't think that they need to be in order smack around USF. I'm looking for Collaros, the Bearcat QB, to have a big day.
Alabama @ Tennessee UNDER 48 *
I've spent a lot of time (and not a little money) trying to figure out Alabama. The third time is the charm. Their defense is very good, their offense not exactly explosive so far. If the trends for both squads hold true this week, we'll be find with the UNDER.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Quintessential Autumn Saturday
A beautiful Saturday, but I missed a lot of it recovering from Fridany night insomnia. In a lucid period early in the day, I spent a couple of hours on the lawn mower while listening to the Illini on the radio. I have not listened to a radio broadcast of an Illini football game maybe ever. It is an unusual entertainment experience, perfectly suited to what I was doing. The first hint is that the Illini are broadcast on AM-560, WIND. I thought that it was still a Mexican station, and found out it is now a big conservative talk station, featuring one of my unfavorite repugnant "celebrities", Dennis Miller, ugh, among others. The Illini broadcast team is Brian Barnhart, Steve Kelly and Kurt Kittner. Color man Kittner, the former Illinois QB, is ok, play-by-play announcer Barnhart is the master of dramatic intonation (even when there's nothing remotely dramatic occurring, absolutely hilarious) and Steve Kelly is a hoot. Kelly sounds like a farm town reporter (maybe that's what he is), so combining Barnhart's War of the Worlds drama and Kelly's Mayberry palaver with commercials for farmer chemicals and stuff like that, well, I might as well have been driving the John Deere on the back 40 instead of buzzing around the back yard on the Toro.
That brings us to the best Mayhem commercial yet. Pay attention to the audio, it's why Dads everywhere cut their own grass. Oh, yeah, net-net, we sucked again, -2 for the week.
Mississippi @ Alabama -20 1/2
The tv football guys referred to this as the bounceback game, where Alabama was supposed to bounce back from their detour last week. They won, didn't come close to covering, Saban looks annoyed all the time, we certainly were. Another 4 star loser, geez...
Utah -20 1/2 @ Wyoming
Credit to the Cowboys, Utah didn't excatly roll offensively, but they didn't seem to be concerned. They took a 23-0 lead into halftime, and then turned the heat down to simmer. Wyoming scored with about 7 1/2 to go after an interception and I began to fret the backdoor cover, wondering if the perception on the Utah side is that beating Wyoming is the same in the polls as beating them up, so Utah chose to preserve the assets and just take the win. Utah goes to 6-0 with a 30-6 victory. That was a welcome +3 for our portfolio.
BC @ Florida State -22
I feel like I got on a bus one stop before it drove off a cliff. Florida State has been coming on strong for weeks and the sputtering BC Eagles were next on their victim list. BC didn't get the message that they were supposed to be cupcakes, and we crashed. FSU 24, BC 19, FSF -2.
Buffalo @ Northern -14
It's gold, Jerry, it's gold. Northern Illinois' version of running with the Bulls was more like running over the Bulls. 45-14 for Coach Jerry Kill's NIU Huskies and +1 for the good guys.
That brings us to the best Mayhem commercial yet. Pay attention to the audio, it's why Dads everywhere cut their own grass. Oh, yeah, net-net, we sucked again, -2 for the week.
Mississippi @ Alabama -20 1/2
The tv football guys referred to this as the bounceback game, where Alabama was supposed to bounce back from their detour last week. They won, didn't come close to covering, Saban looks annoyed all the time, we certainly were. Another 4 star loser, geez...
Utah -20 1/2 @ Wyoming
Credit to the Cowboys, Utah didn't excatly roll offensively, but they didn't seem to be concerned. They took a 23-0 lead into halftime, and then turned the heat down to simmer. Wyoming scored with about 7 1/2 to go after an interception and I began to fret the backdoor cover, wondering if the perception on the Utah side is that beating Wyoming is the same in the polls as beating them up, so Utah chose to preserve the assets and just take the win. Utah goes to 6-0 with a 30-6 victory. That was a welcome +3 for our portfolio.
BC @ Florida State -22
I feel like I got on a bus one stop before it drove off a cliff. Florida State has been coming on strong for weeks and the sputtering BC Eagles were next on their victim list. BC didn't get the message that they were supposed to be cupcakes, and we crashed. FSU 24, BC 19, FSF -2.
Buffalo @ Northern -14
It's gold, Jerry, it's gold. Northern Illinois' version of running with the Bulls was more like running over the Bulls. 45-14 for Coach Jerry Kill's NIU Huskies and +1 for the good guys.
Other notables when I awoke from a torpid Saturday afternoon: Auburn, 3 instant scores from turnovers in Q4 as they ran away from Arkansas late, 65-43, blowing the underdog cover in a game where the O/U was just 60...Iowa was -3 1/2 and won by 10...Wanny and Pitt were on the up side of their roller coaster and covered easily...Big Mike liked #5 Nebraska, and so did the Horns, as they feasted on the children of the corn...My favorite-named coach, Joker Phillips and Kentucky took down Steve Spurrier and #10 South Carolina...#1 Ohio State's stay in the penthouse ended as the Wisconsin Badgers beat 'em up.
Finally, I learned that singer Alicia Keys is married to a man whose name is Swizz Beatz. Just in case you thought everybody had named their kid Ralph or Joker.
Finally, I learned that singer Alicia Keys is married to a man whose name is Swizz Beatz. Just in case you thought everybody had named their kid Ralph or Joker.
Friday, October 15, 2010
SECOND SEASON : Time to Get Right
The misery ends now. Suck it up, Sally, it's time to post some positive numbers and take back the cash we've whizzled away during the first six weeks of this season. No more misdirected Ides of March in October, no more sitting around while our currency evaporates, simply no more goddamned losing.
Mississippi @ Alabama -20 1/2 ****
Saturday, 8:00 p.m. ESPN2
The reasoning is simple. It is positively powerful if I'm right, it is dumb as a stump if I'm wrong. The reasoning is that Alabama is the best team in the country, and they and their coach were humiliated last week in front of the world. Expect them to come to play like their hair was on fire. The Tide is 5-1 after losing to South Carolina, 35-21 last week. Mississippi is 3-2, winning 42-35 against a not all that good Kentucky team last week. Mississippi isn't all that bad, but this is a bet on the mean Nick Saban and his relentless pursuit of winning.
Utah -20 1/2 @ Wyoming ***
Saturday 5:00 p.m. MTN
Wyoming (2-4) is a sentimental favorite of mine. Their nickname is the Cowboys. The setting of their stadium, in Laramie, Wyoming, is idyllic. They symbolize pure America. The school has a rodeo team. A rodeo team!!! Last week, the Cowboys were lit up 45-0 by TCU. Utah (5-0) on the other hand, is a scoring machine that's going to burn the place to the ground. The past three weeks, the Utes have put up 56, 56 and 68 points. It's go time.
Boston College @ Florida State -22 **
Saturday 11:00 a.m. ESPN
Florida State Seminoles. We're betting against the Cowboys at Wyoming, and we're betting on the Indians at home in Florida. FSU (5-1) is on the rise, riding a 4 game winning streak. Boston College is 2-3, in that order, winning their first 2 and losing the next three. BC is 0-4 ATS, FSU is 4-1 ATS.
SUNY Buffalo @ Northern Illinois -14 *
Saturday 2:30 p.m. No TV
NIU (4-2) appears to have put it together, and Cowboys & Indians & Buffalo go together. OK, so Buffalo is the Bulls. Makes no difference. NIU Kills 'em, Jerry, they kills 'em! Buffalo's 2 wins this year are against the Rhode Island Rams (I didn't know that either, Rams, how 'bout that?) and Bowling Green. NIU's Huskies' 2 losses are their opener to Iowa State and to Illinois by 6 points. It's homecoming in DeKalb, and Jerry Kill's team is going to go big over the Bulls.
Mississippi @ Alabama -20 1/2 ****
Saturday, 8:00 p.m. ESPN2
The reasoning is simple. It is positively powerful if I'm right, it is dumb as a stump if I'm wrong. The reasoning is that Alabama is the best team in the country, and they and their coach were humiliated last week in front of the world. Expect them to come to play like their hair was on fire. The Tide is 5-1 after losing to South Carolina, 35-21 last week. Mississippi is 3-2, winning 42-35 against a not all that good Kentucky team last week. Mississippi isn't all that bad, but this is a bet on the mean Nick Saban and his relentless pursuit of winning.
Utah -20 1/2 @ Wyoming ***
Saturday 5:00 p.m. MTN
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| Here is the cast from the pilot episode of "Seminole Squares". Tribal elders had high hopes for the show. It was canceled in pre- production when Chief Paul Center Square tomahawked an audience member who laughed at an inappropriate moment. |
Boston College @ Florida State -22 **
Saturday 11:00 a.m. ESPN
Florida State Seminoles. We're betting against the Cowboys at Wyoming, and we're betting on the Indians at home in Florida. FSU (5-1) is on the rise, riding a 4 game winning streak. Boston College is 2-3, in that order, winning their first 2 and losing the next three. BC is 0-4 ATS, FSU is 4-1 ATS.
SUNY Buffalo @ Northern Illinois -14 *
Saturday 2:30 p.m. No TV
NIU (4-2) appears to have put it together, and Cowboys & Indians & Buffalo go together. OK, so Buffalo is the Bulls. Makes no difference. NIU Kills 'em, Jerry, they kills 'em! Buffalo's 2 wins this year are against the Rhode Island Rams (I didn't know that either, Rams, how 'bout that?) and Bowling Green. NIU's Huskies' 2 losses are their opener to Iowa State and to Illinois by 6 points. It's homecoming in DeKalb, and Jerry Kill's team is going to go big over the Bulls.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
BREAKING NEWS : Two Gun Found, Safe & Sound
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| One of the lovely plazas that Shkoder is known for, with some big scary statue guy on a rock. This may be the new hot tourism destination--you heard it here first. |
Anyway, Pete's back, and we didn't 100% suck last week. Our other two wagers were on Ga Tech, a 2 star winner, and NIU, a one star winner.
This week things wil improve. With the techno stars of Shkoder behind us, we expect nothing. Nothing less, that should be. Need to brush up on my Albanian.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Sunday Morning : A Scientific Breakthrough
The scientific breakthrough: there is no longer any need for gravity. We suck enough to keep everything down.
Saturday early, on my short weekend of solitude, I headed off to St. Harrah's and made a few bucks on video poker. Good thing, 'cause we are absolutely pissing it away on football.
I returned to see how good the USF Bulls aren't. Skip Holtz has his work cut out for him in Tampa. BJ Daniels is not a very good quarterback, the vaunted team speed of the Bulls is a myth, and the offensive line is pretty offensive. After 3 quarters, USF had a field goal, a kick return TD and a botched PAT to show for their effort. Amazingly, that was good enough for a 3 point lead. Syracuse is a rather nondescript football team, too, so it's hard to render an opinion on either defense, since both offenses are crappy. The Orange did hunker down in the fourth quarter and pounded USF into dust with a 98 yard, 14 play, six and half minutes scoring drive that was mostly on the ground . USF is simply not very good, but neither are we. We're throwing away money faster than the Obama government. Final: Syracuse 13, USF 9. Three star suckfest.
Other stuff...the "Good Illini" showed up at Happy Valley, played well, skipped all the showboat ghetto bulls&%t and hammered Penn State. Behave well = play well?...Dane Crist from USB is my newest unfavorite USB player, as he apparently wants to be both referee and player...and he's not the only one on that team with that inclination...Pam Ward was the announcer for Virgina vs Georgia Tech, so I had to mute the sound to check that game out...Cal Bears have some fugly uniforms, and UCLA will see them in their nightmares...How 'bout them Gamecocks...Big Mike's Purdue Boilermakers prevailed in another suckfest at Evanston as the 'Cats gift wrapped one...and finally, as I write this, the U is trailing, I'm going to watch "House" on Tivo, and I still don't know what our other two bets were this weekend. I hate football season. Until next week, anyway.
Saturday early, on my short weekend of solitude, I headed off to St. Harrah's and made a few bucks on video poker. Good thing, 'cause we are absolutely pissing it away on football.
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| When faced with depressing reality, it can be helpful to reach out to objects that make you happy. The Big Tire, sitting next to I-94 near Detroit, is one of those objects. Finding a happy thing in Detroit, ha! I make me laugh. See? It works. Screw Detroit. It sucks to be them. Now I am not so sad. Haw-haw, Detroit! New Mexico lost again, 16-14, this time to the only team they had a shot at beating, New Mexico State. So haw-haw, New Mexico! |
Other stuff...the "Good Illini" showed up at Happy Valley, played well, skipped all the showboat ghetto bulls&%t and hammered Penn State. Behave well = play well?...Dane Crist from USB is my newest unfavorite USB player, as he apparently wants to be both referee and player...and he's not the only one on that team with that inclination...Pam Ward was the announcer for Virgina vs Georgia Tech, so I had to mute the sound to check that game out...Cal Bears have some fugly uniforms, and UCLA will see them in their nightmares...How 'bout them Gamecocks...Big Mike's Purdue Boilermakers prevailed in another suckfest at Evanston as the 'Cats gift wrapped one...and finally, as I write this, the U is trailing, I'm going to watch "House" on Tivo, and I still don't know what our other two bets were this weekend. I hate football season. Until next week, anyway.
P.S. today is 10/10/10. This will never happen again. Haw-haw! I said that about our bets Week 4.
.Friday, October 8, 2010
Still Bleeding
Last night's Kansas State and Nebraska contest was a complete disaster. NB 48, KState 13. Four star failure. KState had an opening drive that suggested there would be some merit in wagering that the home boys were going to be fired up enough to overcome 7th ranked and Big Ten bound Nebraska. Big Red's defense composed itself and quelled the opening uprising, then set their whopper chopper offense loose for a quick trip to the end zone. The tone was set, talent prevailed, and we were re-educated in the folly of betting that spirit tops talent, like paper covers rock in Rock Paper Scissors. By the end of the game I felt like using the scissors to slit my wrists before I threw the rock through the big screen. We have sucked so far this year, and this weekend has to get better fast!
Syracuse @ University of South Florida -7 1/2 ***
Saturday 11:00 a.m. MASN
Syracuse is 3-1, 1-1 on the road. They've beaten Akron, Maine and Colgate while losing to Washington. Not much of a portfolio. USF is 3-1, 3-0 at home. They've beaten Stonybrook, Western Kentucky and Florida International while losing to Florida, an equally unimpressive body of work. Howevah: it's homecoming in Tampa, Syracuse hasn't historically performed well there, and USF's team speed is going to be to much for the Orange to handle. The line opened at 7 1/2 and has moved to 12, so we have a lot of company, but more points than the others from shopping early.
Our 2 and 1 stars are coming later. I'm busy being depressed right now.
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| If we don't get better fast, the Four Star Team will be banished to handicapping RPS Tourneys. |
Syracuse @ University of South Florida -7 1/2 ***
Saturday 11:00 a.m. MASN
Syracuse is 3-1, 1-1 on the road. They've beaten Akron, Maine and Colgate while losing to Washington. Not much of a portfolio. USF is 3-1, 3-0 at home. They've beaten Stonybrook, Western Kentucky and Florida International while losing to Florida, an equally unimpressive body of work. Howevah: it's homecoming in Tampa, Syracuse hasn't historically performed well there, and USF's team speed is going to be to much for the Orange to handle. The line opened at 7 1/2 and has moved to 12, so we have a lot of company, but more points than the others from shopping early.
Our 2 and 1 stars are coming later. I'm busy being depressed right now.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Four Star Thursday
The rest of the betting slate will go up tomorrow. My normal composition time last evening was devoted to celebrating Baby Boy's 18th birthday. That (sniffle, sniffle) was eighteen years at the speed of light...he was my little pal just yesterday, it seems.
Back tomorrow.
%5B1%5D.jpg) |
| A ship that stayed the course. This is the SS Pensylvania. It is the craft that brought my paternal grandfather to the United States in 1913. Click the photo to enlarge it. Two weeks on this thing across the North Atlantic in late winter... |
We are off to a bit of a rocky start, sitting in negative numbers as Week 6 rolls around. After literally years of "ups", I am highly uncomfortable being in a "down". To hasten the correction of our listing ship, Two Gun has let fly with a PPP---Pete's Perfect Pick. Here goes!
Kansas State +12 @ Nebraska****
Thursday Night 6:30 p.m. ESPN
The Big 12 as we know it starts its final lap tonight when the 7th ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers crank it up at Kansas State. Both squads are 4-0. Nebraska has bashed Western Kentucky, Idaho, Washington and South Dakota State. K State has beaten UCLA, Missouri State, Iowa State and the University of Central Florida (UCF opened a big can of whooparse on UAB last night). Nebraska has a huge all-time series lead, Nebraska has won its most recent two trips to Manhattan, Kansas, Nebraska has five straight road wins....you get the picture. The bet here is that Kansas State is going to bring a better focus to its conference opener than it has demonstrated thus far this year and that will allow them to stay within a dozen.
The rest of the betting slate will go up tomorrow. My normal composition time last evening was devoted to celebrating Baby Boy's 18th birthday. That (sniffle, sniffle) was eighteen years at the speed of light...he was my little pal just yesterday, it seems.
Back tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
A Pair of PPP's
The selections are the result of Two Gun's unique blend of Football Dead Sea Scrolls wisdom and a cynical insight into the minds of wild-eyed young athletes. No pre-sale, but a hint : 'Cats = good dogs, and running with the Bulls.
We'll also mea culpa with a 180 on one of last week's disappointments.
 |
| Two Gun is betting on the emergence of a heretofore unknown gridiron talent. |
Coming Thursday: a pair of Pete's Perfect Picks. Our research department (aka Two Gun Pete) has been working overtime and he has formulated not one, but two PPP's : Pete's Perfect Picks. Gotta love the symmetry. Two Gun, two PPP's.
We'll also mea culpa with a 180 on one of last week's disappointments.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Gameday
12:54 p.m.
We won at Ameristar and Majestic this morning. That's looking realllly good, 'cause the first half of the early games is looking grim. Ohio State is up by a precious few, and we are giving 18. Terrell Pryor got hurt in the first half, and OSU looks lethargic. While there's no wager involved on the 'Cats, I've been watching Northwestern @ Minnesota, and NU looks like crap, with penalties and bad tackling and blown coverages. I went to CBSC and got another jolt: the Army is up 21-13 over Temple at halftime. The next 90 minutes need to bring some happiness.
1:11 p.m.
Temple is now trailing 28-13. Past is prologue, indeed. Terrell Pryor has returned to the game in Champaign, but the game has not returned for Ohio State. Still a 4 point lead. Northwestern scored on its opening possession of the second half and promptly missed the PAT. Illinois just picked up a face mask penalty, and in the great tradition of dopey Illini players under RZook, the kid who committed the infraction is dancing and gyrating in celebration, oblivious to the referee's flag fluttering to the ground behind him. Even when they're playing well, the Illini are hard to like. Pryor just completed a 15 yard pass, too. Go, Bucks!
Ah-ha!!! Army 28, Temple 21! OSU is going for a 4th and 1...close...close...measure...1st down! Go, Bucks!
1:30 p.m.
Field goal for Ohio State. 17-10. This ain't gonna get it done. Temple is showing a little more, still same score though. Long pass......out of bounds, damn. Another pass, incomplete. Now it's 3rd and...20??? Temple goes offside, now it will be 3rd and 25. Third down, long pass, Army pass interference, first down for Temple. Back on BTN, field goal, Illinois, now it's 17-13 with four and a half to go. Bad.
1:46 p.m.
Northwestern scored on ESPN, while back on BTN, Ohio State is grinding away on the ground with a four point lead and 2 1/2 minutes to go. We're screwed. Over on CBSC, Temple has tied the Knights at 28, and it's very early in the 4th quarter. Back to BTN, OSU has now scored to make it 24-13, though the announcer insists that it's a ten point lead. Dope. 1:54 to go. A defensive TD is our only hope.
1:58 p.m.
It's over. Ohio State 24, Illinois 13. 2 star loser, damn.
2:24 p.m.
The 'Cats squeaked it out, 29-28. Whew! Over at West Point, Temple banged its way to a 42-28 lead, but Army has scored to close to 7 with less than 2 minutes to play. Temple covers the onside kick. No big mistakes, puh-leez, we need a W. Running play-timeout-running play-a pitch out, what the hell are you doing!! It's ok, he's down safely, :17 to go after the time out--kneel down would you??? NO, goddamn it the QB rolls out and FINALLY, IT'S OVER, and we book a 1 star victory.
6:04 p.m.
There was no TV for Ball State @ Central Michigan. I've been checking scores on the computer. I feel like the guy who told the helmsman of the Titanic "it's just a little ice, we'll be fine". Ball State 31, CMU 17. Disaster. 4 star crap-a-roo. Only Iowa is left. I plan to watch the Andy Griffith Marathon instead. I can't take any more failure.
8:48 p.m.
Halftime in Iowa, and the Hawks are up 17-3. I would like to be giddily optimistic, but these are the times that try bettors' souls. It's not Shakespeare, but the quote is apropos: It ain't over 'till it's over. Joe Paterno is looking spry. He and Howard Schnellenberger are going to get together after the season at the Cracker Barrel and try to remember where they parked. Very cool visual from programmed behavior in the Iowa stadium: whole sections of people are dressed in black, with adjoining sections dressed in gold. Elsewhere, USB is leading Boston College, ugh. Stanford is leading the Ducks, as Two Gun predicted.
9:02 p.m.
The Iowa defense just held off PSU on 4th and goal from the 1, video replay confirmed, and Joe Paterno looks dejected. Not that he ever looks giddily optimistic. The best commercial of the day just played for the umpteenth time and I laughed again. It's the Allstate "Mayhem" guy sitting on the roof : "I'm a satellite dish." Hilarious. Not to Joe, though.
10:04 p.m.
Iowa returns a late INT for 6 and we cruise to victory, and a much needed victory at that. The Ducks are beating up Stanford, but no more for me today.
Nighty-night.
We won at Ameristar and Majestic this morning. That's looking realllly good, 'cause the first half of the early games is looking grim. Ohio State is up by a precious few, and we are giving 18. Terrell Pryor got hurt in the first half, and OSU looks lethargic. While there's no wager involved on the 'Cats, I've been watching Northwestern @ Minnesota, and NU looks like crap, with penalties and bad tackling and blown coverages. I went to CBSC and got another jolt: the Army is up 21-13 over Temple at halftime. The next 90 minutes need to bring some happiness.
1:11 p.m.
Temple is now trailing 28-13. Past is prologue, indeed. Terrell Pryor has returned to the game in Champaign, but the game has not returned for Ohio State. Still a 4 point lead. Northwestern scored on its opening possession of the second half and promptly missed the PAT. Illinois just picked up a face mask penalty, and in the great tradition of dopey Illini players under RZook, the kid who committed the infraction is dancing and gyrating in celebration, oblivious to the referee's flag fluttering to the ground behind him. Even when they're playing well, the Illini are hard to like. Pryor just completed a 15 yard pass, too. Go, Bucks!
Ah-ha!!! Army 28, Temple 21! OSU is going for a 4th and 1...close...close...measure...1st down! Go, Bucks!
1:30 p.m.
Field goal for Ohio State. 17-10. This ain't gonna get it done. Temple is showing a little more, still same score though. Long pass......out of bounds, damn. Another pass, incomplete. Now it's 3rd and...20??? Temple goes offside, now it will be 3rd and 25. Third down, long pass, Army pass interference, first down for Temple. Back on BTN, field goal, Illinois, now it's 17-13 with four and a half to go. Bad.
1:46 p.m.
Northwestern scored on ESPN, while back on BTN, Ohio State is grinding away on the ground with a four point lead and 2 1/2 minutes to go. We're screwed. Over on CBSC, Temple has tied the Knights at 28, and it's very early in the 4th quarter. Back to BTN, OSU has now scored to make it 24-13, though the announcer insists that it's a ten point lead. Dope. 1:54 to go. A defensive TD is our only hope.
1:58 p.m.
It's over. Ohio State 24, Illinois 13. 2 star loser, damn.
2:24 p.m.
The 'Cats squeaked it out, 29-28. Whew! Over at West Point, Temple banged its way to a 42-28 lead, but Army has scored to close to 7 with less than 2 minutes to play. Temple covers the onside kick. No big mistakes, puh-leez, we need a W. Running play-timeout-running play-a pitch out, what the hell are you doing!! It's ok, he's down safely, :17 to go after the time out--kneel down would you??? NO, goddamn it the QB rolls out and FINALLY, IT'S OVER, and we book a 1 star victory.
6:04 p.m.
There was no TV for Ball State @ Central Michigan. I've been checking scores on the computer. I feel like the guy who told the helmsman of the Titanic "it's just a little ice, we'll be fine". Ball State 31, CMU 17. Disaster. 4 star crap-a-roo. Only Iowa is left. I plan to watch the Andy Griffith Marathon instead. I can't take any more failure.
8:48 p.m.
Halftime in Iowa, and the Hawks are up 17-3. I would like to be giddily optimistic, but these are the times that try bettors' souls. It's not Shakespeare, but the quote is apropos: It ain't over 'till it's over. Joe Paterno is looking spry. He and Howard Schnellenberger are going to get together after the season at the Cracker Barrel and try to remember where they parked. Very cool visual from programmed behavior in the Iowa stadium: whole sections of people are dressed in black, with adjoining sections dressed in gold. Elsewhere, USB is leading Boston College, ugh. Stanford is leading the Ducks, as Two Gun predicted.
9:02 p.m.
The Iowa defense just held off PSU on 4th and goal from the 1, video replay confirmed, and Joe Paterno looks dejected. Not that he ever looks giddily optimistic. The best commercial of the day just played for the umpteenth time and I laughed again. It's the Allstate "Mayhem" guy sitting on the roof : "I'm a satellite dish." Hilarious. Not to Joe, though.
10:04 p.m.
Iowa returns a late INT for 6 and we cruise to victory, and a much needed victory at that. The Ducks are beating up Stanford, but no more for me today.
Nighty-night.
Friday, October 1, 2010
A Serious Thought Before Playtime
Our sympathies go out to Zak and Sarah Kustok on the tragic loss of their mother. We hope there is some measure of comfort in knowing that many, many people would share the burden that has been put upon them.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Two Gun is moribund, abandoning his customary sanguine outlook and reciting fatalistic quotes from Shakespeare as he rattles around Stately Two Gun Manor, attempting to apply medieval literary logic to the capricious world of modern capitalism. My outlook is rather more linear.
We're gonna get even.
Week 4 was a -10. That never happened before. It can never happen again. It was a disaster, and we must get even, as one gets even on a grudge.
I know grudges.
I was raised by a tribe that is among the most advanced in recorded history at silently declaring and ceaselessly holding grudges. The grudge is our meat. If grudges were currency, we would have been immeasurably wealthy. We defined new standards for the grudge. Holding a grudge was as certain as the coming dawn, as natural to us as breathing.
Even so, there is another facet to this challenge. How does one respond to a week of abject failure, when the only one responsible for said failure is oneself? How do you, in effect, get even with yourself?
Hire somebody who is angrier than you.
To help my partner cope, I have added some words of guidance from the Bard.
Ball State -15 1/2 @ Central Michigan ****
Saturday 2:30 p.m. TV TBA
Central Michigan arrived in Evanston last week to face Northwestern hearing sustained and prolonged rhetoric wherein every speaker gave them proper respect, didn't take them lightly, lauded their skill level, recognized their accomplishements, all damning through faint praise. Everyone very politely dismissed them prior to the contest as unable to win. Then they went out and lost. They're a very good team, and they're back at home, angry and being visited by Ball State, losers to Liberty (?), Purdue and last week 45-0 to Iowa. So why wouldn't Ball State be the one seeking retribution? Their report card says "meets expectations". They're toast.
I like not fair terms and a villain's mind.
--William Shakespeare
Penn State @ Iowa -7 ***
Saturday 7:05 p.m. ESPN
The Hawkeyes are driven. Their drubbing last week of Ball State did not assuage the collective burning in the souls of the Hawkeye faithful caused by a loss to Arizona. The Hawks aspire to greatness. They have suffered the loss of their lead running back and his backup. Their aspirations have been torn apart and thrown in their faces. The only way to salve this wound is apply bone crushing defeats to a succession of opponents, the next of which is the visitors from Happy Valley and their aged and revered leader.
How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees?
--William Shakespeare
Ohio State -18 @ Illinois **
Saturday 11 a.m. BTN
The Buckeyes of Ohio State are highly talented and highly regarded across the land. Mr. Tressel, their uniquely clad mentor, surely will remind his charges of the year 2007 when the Fighting Illini came to Columbus and embarassed that highly regarded OSU team. The Illini headmaster, Mr. Zook, will likely also be reminding his team that their predecessors accomplished this feat, to steel them for this contemporary crusade. The referee will flip a coin, the two sides will form their respective battle lines, and the visitors will commence to ravage the countryside, then mount their steeds (ok, their team bus) and return, unsullied, to their province to the east.
I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad and to travel for it too!
--William Shakespeare
Temple -4 @ Army *
Saturday 11 a.m. CBSC-HD
Army is enjoying a good year. The Black Knights opened with a road win over E.Michigan, lost to Hawaii by 3 at home, shut out North Texas in Week 3 and then disposed of Duke 35-21 this past week. Nice. Then there's Temple. Temple was cruising along at 3-0 and they were looking to use Penn State last week to demand that the world give them appropriate respect. Instead, they were reprimanded as upstarts. They're p.o.'d., and that will drive them to a cover win @ West Point.
What is past is prologue.
--William Shakespeare
_____________________________________________________________________________
Two Gun is moribund, abandoning his customary sanguine outlook and reciting fatalistic quotes from Shakespeare as he rattles around Stately Two Gun Manor, attempting to apply medieval literary logic to the capricious world of modern capitalism. My outlook is rather more linear.
We're gonna get even.
Week 4 was a -10. That never happened before. It can never happen again. It was a disaster, and we must get even, as one gets even on a grudge.
 |
| Notice how emphatically the V eradicates the 0. There are people with whom I attended the second grade at St.Hedwig School who are blissfully unaware that I will one day swoop down upon them to settle scores from years past. V for "five", or V for VENDETTA??? |
I was raised by a tribe that is among the most advanced in recorded history at silently declaring and ceaselessly holding grudges. The grudge is our meat. If grudges were currency, we would have been immeasurably wealthy. We defined new standards for the grudge. Holding a grudge was as certain as the coming dawn, as natural to us as breathing.
Even so, there is another facet to this challenge. How does one respond to a week of abject failure, when the only one responsible for said failure is oneself? How do you, in effect, get even with yourself?
Hire somebody who is angrier than you.
To help my partner cope, I have added some words of guidance from the Bard.
Ball State -15 1/2 @ Central Michigan ****
Saturday 2:30 p.m. TV TBA
Central Michigan arrived in Evanston last week to face Northwestern hearing sustained and prolonged rhetoric wherein every speaker gave them proper respect, didn't take them lightly, lauded their skill level, recognized their accomplishements, all damning through faint praise. Everyone very politely dismissed them prior to the contest as unable to win. Then they went out and lost. They're a very good team, and they're back at home, angry and being visited by Ball State, losers to Liberty (?), Purdue and last week 45-0 to Iowa. So why wouldn't Ball State be the one seeking retribution? Their report card says "meets expectations". They're toast.
I like not fair terms and a villain's mind.
--William Shakespeare
Penn State @ Iowa -7 ***
Saturday 7:05 p.m. ESPN
The Hawkeyes are driven. Their drubbing last week of Ball State did not assuage the collective burning in the souls of the Hawkeye faithful caused by a loss to Arizona. The Hawks aspire to greatness. They have suffered the loss of their lead running back and his backup. Their aspirations have been torn apart and thrown in their faces. The only way to salve this wound is apply bone crushing defeats to a succession of opponents, the next of which is the visitors from Happy Valley and their aged and revered leader.
How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees?
--William Shakespeare
Ohio State -18 @ Illinois **
Saturday 11 a.m. BTN
The Buckeyes of Ohio State are highly talented and highly regarded across the land. Mr. Tressel, their uniquely clad mentor, surely will remind his charges of the year 2007 when the Fighting Illini came to Columbus and embarassed that highly regarded OSU team. The Illini headmaster, Mr. Zook, will likely also be reminding his team that their predecessors accomplished this feat, to steel them for this contemporary crusade. The referee will flip a coin, the two sides will form their respective battle lines, and the visitors will commence to ravage the countryside, then mount their steeds (ok, their team bus) and return, unsullied, to their province to the east.
I had rather have a fool to make me merry than experience to make me sad and to travel for it too!
--William Shakespeare
Temple -4 @ Army *
Saturday 11 a.m. CBSC-HD
Army is enjoying a good year. The Black Knights opened with a road win over E.Michigan, lost to Hawaii by 3 at home, shut out North Texas in Week 3 and then disposed of Duke 35-21 this past week. Nice. Then there's Temple. Temple was cruising along at 3-0 and they were looking to use Penn State last week to demand that the world give them appropriate respect. Instead, they were reprimanded as upstarts. They're p.o.'d., and that will drive them to a cover win @ West Point.
What is past is prologue.
--William Shakespeare
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