Friday, July 22, 2011

USC, Whom We Used to Love

One of the most unlikable coaches in big time college football is Lane Kiffin.  But you knew that.  One of his young charges, a running back by the name of Mark Tyler, is just what the Kiffster ordered. 

A mutt.

Young Mark, whose father, Wendell, was himself a USC running back (and subsequently a 49er) made some headlines by getting himself suspended this week when he was asked a question about being paid to play.  TMZ, the slutty TV show that ambushes celebrities to ask them questions that may or may not (usually not) have some legitimate journalistic basis, found young Tyler and queried whether he could make more money in the NFL than at USC.  He responded "USC, they breaking bread".

Folks who are multilingual in this particular form of ebonics translated that statement to mean that Tyler was expressing that he is well compensated by his chosen institute of higher learning.  Lane Kiffin, the mentor of the student/athletes who comprise the school's football team, and Pat Hayden, who oversees the whole USC sports circus, were less than pleased with Tyler's glib, though not readily intelligible, response.  Tyler was suspended from all the football team's activities through and including the season opener. Mark Tyler's apology, a statement that does not appear to have eminated from the same processor that uttered "USC, they breaking bread", reads as follows:
The USC mascot, held for ransom by
a masked man?  Hi-ho!
"I am disappointed that I let down all the people who have supported me as I have been working through some personal issues. I realize how my behavior and my statements, even though I was joking, can reflect poorly on so many people. As a veteran player, I should know that my job is to be an example for the younger guys."    

The statement reads like a reprimand that the school would have given Tyler, not a statement that the young man would have made.  Were I scripting his apology, it would have said ' I'm sorry I tried to be funny and hip when the asswipes from TMZ came up to me.  I realize now that nothing referring to my school's cheating way is amusing to the school administration'.

Tyler isn't exactly an angel who was splashed with mud.  Earlier this week, he had to respond to charges in the university disciplinary process that back in April he spit on a female student while he was drunk and later laid unwelcome hands on another female student. 

So, too bad for Mark Tyler, good for Lane Kiffin, and Pat Hayden...good luck with the screwballs who operate under your big top.



Tuesday, July 12, 2011

We All Prepare Differently

There's still a month and a half to go before America's youth begins to bash each other senseless on Saturday afternoons (and most weeknights, thank you, TV money!) to enhance the glory of old State U., but some young newsmakers have already distinguished themselves over the past few weeks.  It seems to be the year of the O-linemen:  several of them, at different institutions of higher learning, have made the pre-season local law enforcement all star teams in their respective locales, with smacking people around in bars being the favorite-frowned-upon-by-the-law activitiy. 

Blogger extraordinaire Matt Hinton, aka Dr. Saturday, has published his projected worst 12 for the upcoming season, and it includes a lot of our favorites, e.g. Mike Locksley and his New Mexico boys, TwoGun's favorite Breathe for Me Elvis University of Memphis, and the TwoGun Hall of Famer Howard Schnellenberger and the Florida International gridiron gang.  Howard's my fave from the list, as his team is predicted to be extremely bad in a brand new stadium.  New building, ancient leader and poor performance...strike up the band.


Living large and profiting.
It all depends on where
you ply your trade.
 THE Ohio State University has been instructed to vacate all its wins from last year, part of the punishment for the boys selling all their free junk.  The more that happens with this saga, the more I shake my head.  Seems to me that their biggest sin was getting caught, and the coach not tossing them immediately to the wolves.  If you're trying to understand how my viewpoint was formed, start by reading Meat Market, Inside the World of College Football Recruiting.  Selling sweatshirts and stickpins doesn't even register on the offend-o-meter. 

Need more?  Look back to the Gamecocks who were living in a luxury hotel while they were "students" last year. 

So you grumble your wizened old man grumble about how things are going to hell in a handbasket "these days".  Nuh-uh.  The Gipper (the real one, not the one who became President) was a professional gambler and rarely attended classes while establishing his legend at USB-and playing pro games under an assumed name...80 years ago.

Buckle up, boys and girls.  It's going to be another fun ride!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Holiday Ha-Ha

More out of context stuff.  Here's a 1963
record album of the Firecracker 400. This
just screams "seemed like a good idea at
the time".
I occasionally wander over to BlackHeartGoldPants, the Iowa blog, for entertainment.  Their collective paranoia about Northwestern notwithstanding, BHGP contains some of the funniest interaction to be found anywhere.  Juvenile, profane...yeah, yeah, so what.  It's funny.

Since there's not a whole lot of football stuff going on today that I find interesting, I'm sharing a snippet of theirs--plucked from the middle of a conversation, no contextual setting, no relevance to anything else, just made me laugh. 

"A dude that I work with is a grandpa, 4 times over, from one kid.
He calls his son Turbonuts."

Have a fun 4th, go Sox.